I have been driving a long time. Thirty-four years to be exact. I have taught one son to drive and now am in the process of teaching my youngest to drive. It is a learning experience. He is getting better each time he drives but all totaled I believe he has been driving for a total of ten hours. There is still a long way to go.
I try to be patient but sometimes when we get in the car I drive just because I don’t feel like explaining the nuances of every move I make. We have gone over the driving manual. We have discussed every possible scenario that he might encounter and the appropriate response. We discuss them as he is driving. We discuss driving more than the president discusses nuclear proliferation.
Youngest son decides that he would like some new jeans so we plan our trip to the mall. I’m not sure which is more uncomfortable driving with him or shopping with him, so I decided to take the easy way out. I decided to be the selfish parent. I drove. The thought of teaching him to navigate the mall traffic at night, for the first time did absolutely nothing for me so I was going to be a slacker parent.
We are on the way to the mall discussing the purchase of the new jeans and out of the corner of my eye I see something coming out of the woods. Instinctively I step on the brakes and throw my arm across my son. The car slams to a stop and there in front of my car is a three-foot tall turkey. His wings were spread and his neck fully extended as he flew in front of my car. Yes the turkey flew in front of the car. I didn’t realize that turkeys could fly. I also didn’t know they were that big when they were fully extended. My son and I were stunned. I have never heard of turkeys flying out of the woods in traffic. I have heard of flying monkeys but that was in the movies.
I live in the woods. I have lived in the woods for twenty-five years. We have had reports of deer filtering into the residential neighborhoods. I have seen many deer over the years. We have ticks, lyme disease, and rabbits, I have even heard of rabid raccoons coming out in the daytime but I have never heard of flying turkeys. It sounds so absurd that I decided not to tell anyone. I mean what do you say. “Oh and by the way honey, watch out for the flying turkeys when you get near the mall.”
Perhaps the conversation would start with “ Has anyone read about the flying turkeys near the mall?” I looked in the local paper for articles on flying turkeys. I have also looked for articles on accidents involving turkeys. I haven’t seen any of those either. Not one.
I am just so thankful that I didn’t hit the turkey. Dogs or deer can really damage your car. This you could explain to your auto insurance agent and your friends. But telling the story of the flying turkey that crashed into my car story doesn’t sound quite the same. There will be a real effort to keep a straight face when telling the story so not to provoke fits of laughter. My insurance agent would have required a photo. I would have stopped and taken a picture if I hit the turkey but since I didn’t hit him there was no reason to stop and consequently there was no picture of the turkey. It was just my word against some two thousand years of history that makes no mention of flying turkeys.
I live with four men. I figured that discussing flying turkeys with the other three would only bring me immeasurable grief. I thought youngest son understood this when I said “ Let’s not bring up the turkeys!” Apparently not. Apparently the tone of my voice was not enough, I need to work on that. Hubby wanted me to tell him what happened with the turkey. Did I hit the turkey? Did the turkey make contact with the car anywhere? Did the turkey hit the bumper maybe? No, no and no. The turkey flew across the road. I stopped the car. The turkey flew past. We went to the mall. Of course, this conversation was followed by the cute turkey jokes. “Why did the turkey fly across the road? Because it was trying to beat Mom to the mall.” Oh ha ha ha . Of course this also lends itself to the cautionary statements when going to the mall. “Be careful. It’s raining really heavy and the turkeys might be out. You know how they like flying in the rain.”
I take every situation as a learning experience and this was no exception. I go to the mall a lot less. I make sure my cell phone is out where I can reach it instantly instead of my being in my pocketbook but most importantly, I have improved my communication skills with my son. “Don’t tell Dad about the damn turkey!!” I practice it in front of my mirror.
