I am a big believer in higher education. I currently have two children in the higher education system. One is in graduate school and one is an undergraduate. I have learned a few things along their rode to higher education. The simplest thing I have learned is that the more you pay, the less you get. The more money spent in tuition, fees, housing, fees, food, and did I mention fees, the less you get. And as a bonus the more of those items you pay, the less time your child actually spends in the school. I would love to have invented the system. They start in September but only attend class for between twelve and eighteen hours a week depending on how many credits they take while I work forty hours a week. They get around a month off at Christmas while I work forty hours a week. They get another week off in March or April for spring break, because it has been almost six weeks since they went back and there is no need to over work the little buggers. Then they are done in May. Really?
My best friend and I have the whole child in higher education experience sharing experience. It is one of the ties that bind. She also has one in graduate school, one graduated, and one currently in undergraduate studies. She knows the drill. Knowing the drill doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
All of our kids were members of various societies and clubs in high school. They are lovely organizations. They don’t cost anything to belong. Each of the kids got certificates and pins. They also got a cord at graduation. College is a different ball game altogether. The college that my oldest son attended gave cords for each achievement such as being an honors student, and a hood for each school within the University. They didn’t really give the cords and the hood, they charged a graduation fee and the cords and the hood were included. The fee was not optional. As parents it is our responsibility to believe that the cords and hood are free. We are in denial. It is what we do. Denial is a critical part of the acceptance process. The cord and hood situation was the same with her oldest son as with mine. Her youngest son was a different story. His college gave a cord and charged separately for a hood. Unfortunately, she did not know this.
She discovered this at graduation. How do I know this you might wonder? I was in Staples the day he graduated. My cell phone rang and it was my very frantic best friend wanting to know if my son had a hood when he graduated. I asked her how graduation was, because I assumed that it was over. Wrong. She is now whispering in the phone, in a tone that can only be described as exorcist-like and anger-filled that she was in the ceremony as she was talking and her son wasn’t wearing a hood. She was reading the graduation pamphlet that described how each school within the University had its’ own hood. Junior did not have a hood. The universe had screwed up because he was graduating and had no hood. Being the good friend I am, and sensing the pure anger in her voice I said no my son did not have a hood when he graduated. He had multiple cords but no hood. She insisted that I call my son and ask him. Again being the good friend that I am, I told her I would. I was sure he didn’t have a hood. Wrong again. He did have a hood. I’m not exactly sure what kind of Mother that makes me that I didn’t remember that my first-born child had a hood when he graduated from college, but I am good with it. She actually called me back. She was still in graduation, still using the exorcist voice and still wanted to know. Now the moment of truth arrives. Do I lie to her to calm her down or do I tell her the truth? I probably should have lied, but I don’t lie for a few very simple reasons. I don’t like to be lied to and if I can’t remember that my son was wearing a hood when he graduated from college, I am likely to not remember other things making life really complicated. I went with the truth. Now here is my friend, watching her son graduate from college, and on the phone, obsessed about the fact that he doesn’t have a hood. Eventually we got off the phone and she watched the graduation with steam coming from her ears. I insisted that she call me when she gets back to her hotel. I just want to know for sure that she has not gotten arrested for Hood violence.
Not being one to let things roll off of her shoulders, she decided to right the wrong and get Junior the hood that he was obviously entitled to. It said very clearly in the graduation pamphlet that he should have a hood from his college. She would work her way up but she would get the hood. She was told that she could indeed order the hood for him after graduation from the bookstore, but she would have to pay for it. This fact she learned from a secretary in one of the many offices she called to express her displeasure. She politely explained that she had paid some one hundred and fifty thousand dollars for his education and they should throw the hood it for free. She shared that philosophy with everyone from the secretary in the bursar’s office all the way the secretary in the president’s office. Everyone agreed but she would still have to pay. Needless to say, she never got the hood.
Fast forward two years. Her son has graduated. He is living at home, working and saving for a future. She has forgotten about the hood and then low and behold a letter arrives for her from Junior’s college. It explains the importance of donations from alumnae and parents of alumnae in funding scholarships for students who can’t afford the wonderful education that her son got. It is heart felt. She very calmly picks up her pen and writes “NO HOOD, NO DONATION!” This time when she calls to tell me about the hood, she is laughing. She got the last laugh. They got the hood.
