I was a very active child. In those days, the word tomboy was used to describe girls like me. I could run faster, swim faster, out jump and out flip my brother and his friends who were a few years older. I played on competitive teams. In those days, a child tried out for a team. There were cuts and you had to make the team. I always made the teams. I was a child in constant motion. My mother used to call my constant movement “flipping and dipping.”
They found a place that could teach me that skill. It also came with the added skill of learning to glide gracefully in three inch heels while having a book on your head. I was never able to get an answer as to why I needed to be able to do anything with a book on my head from my parents. In fact, they pretty much refused to participate in the discussion. I pointed out, multiple times, that for all of the gliding that Miss America did, I had never seen her do her gliding with a book on her head. I also never saw the book on the head part of the talent competition. I lost both the battle and the war so off I went to charm school. It was one of the highlights of my young life. I learned to walk with a book on my head in three inch heels. I also got thrown out of charm school for refusing to remove my cleats but that story is for another column.These same folks also decided that my brother and I needed to learn how to ballroom dance.
With all of my ability to glide into a room, wearing heels, with a book on my head, I was still clumsy. My parents took me to multiple doctors to find out what was wrong. They explained that I could do a back handspring from a standing position and walk with a book on my head in high heels, but was clumsy the rest of the time.
I loved the look on the face of the my parents when the first neurologist after running multiple tests and had to give my parents the news. There is nothing wrong with your daughter. She thinks fast and in every day life her brain is moving faster than the rest of her. Some day they may catch up. Or they may not. She has a great brain. I wouldn't worry about her. End of the story.
The next doctor told them that I was clumsy because I have flat feet and no arch to speak of. He suggested my parents should buy me good supportive shoes. I spent my childhood in ugly red orthopedic shoes. I did however negotiate a new pair of cleats for every pair of the ugly orthopedic red shoes.
Today as an adult, I am in motion a lot. I get up early. I am working out within thirty minutes. My brain is still busy. In fact, I am brain busy all day long. I spend way too much time sitting. To counteract, I get up and walk around just to move. The funny thing is that apparently my feet, and other parts of my body still haven't caught up to my brain. I am much more aware that I am not focusing on the rest of me so I try to pay attention. Sometimes I win and sometimes I fail. I failed this weekend. It was an epic fail.
I was changing the sheets on one of the beds. Next to the bed is a crate of stuff. I know the crate is there because I put it there. I know it is loaded with stuff because I loaded it. There is no one to blame but me. I moved my foot to the left as I was adjusting the sheet and whacked it pretty good into the crate. Ouch. I got one nice black and blue mark in a very conspicuous place on my foot.
The next day I am vacuuming. I dislike vacuuming naturally. I dislike it even more know because the hubster bought a canister vacuum. It takes two hands to operate. Really? Why do I need to focus while vacuuming? I had a vacuum for many years. I plugged it in, turned it on and proceeded to vacuum. No thinking, no focusing, just doing. It should be simple. Instead I have a multi-hand and arm requiring vacuum. Alrighty then.
I carted the multi-hand and arm requiring vacuum into the living room and set it down. I bent down as I pulled out the plug to plug it in, and the long arm of the vacuum that has the handle, flew back and whacked me right on the forehead. I was not polite. From all of my years of sports, I know the first thing that I should do is get some ice. Particularly since the mark is right in the middle of my forehead and is in the triangular shape of the handle. I am picturing myself with a nice, two inch, triangle shaped black and blue mark in the middle of my forehead. Within a few minutes, I can feel the bump. My youngest tells me that he can see the start of a bump. He also tells me twenty minutes on, and twenty minutes off for the ice pack.
I do not believe the twenty minutes on-twenty minutes off theory. Why would you stop at twenty minutes? Then the swelling would start again. What is the point of that? I am going with the put on ice and leave it until you can't take it. Take it off and put it back as soon as possible. I sat for five hours with ice on my head. I wrapped in a sleeve. I looked like I was wearing a puffy headband. After all of my ice sitting I got a very small bump. It was a not too bad. I covered it with makeup. I was a little nervous about bumping my head. I've heard about people dying as a result of small accidents to their head. So naturally, I googled it. I'm sure that is what the medical professionals do.
There is such a thing as too much information. From everything I read, I should stay awake for about a week, ice it and speak constantly to keep my brain sharp. I am not a medical professional but I am pretty sure that not sleeping for a week and constant talking would not be a good thing. I think I will just stick with ice and some good cover stick. Perhaps I will put a book on my head and walk across the room.
