I currently have an obsession with my facial hair. Since menopause started, most of the excess hair has migrated to my lip and chin. It is not a pretty picture. I am not sure why it suddenly decided that my lip and chin are the place to go but there it is. This is war and I intend to win! This lovely hair on my lip and chin has gotten considerably worse since menopause has reared its ugly head. Don’t get me wrong; I have always been relatively hairy. And it was never the light, peach fuzz kind of hair. No, it is the jet-black, course, old Italian woman, kind of hair. So I wax. I wax a lot.
Although I am not a do –it-yourself kind of person, this seemed as if it was a task I could in fact not just do, but master, and eventually excel. I also decided that this could save me money. This is a potential win-win situation. When I lost my job, I cut out everything imaginable, except waxing. This was not a point of negotiation. I waited twice as long between waxing, but I waxed.
I have been back to work for quite a while, but the possibility of doing my own waxing has stuck with me. It has in fact taken on a life of it’s own. How hard can this be? You put wax on your lip, cover it with cloth and rip off the cloth. Repeat the process for the rest of your face. It doesn’t seem particularly difficult. I have been watching others do this to me for years. I decided to bring my idea out in the open. I mentioned it to a co-worker. The conversation had turned to salons that we all use, who we like and who we don’t. She mentioned that she does her own waxing. She told me which products she uses and that she has sensitive skin. I am getting on board with this idea. I am a reasonable, intelligent woman and should not have to pay someone to wax my lip. I thought briefly about getting an electric razor and just shaving. I decided against that. I am not sure why women don’t shave their faces, which is relatively painless and instead choose to rip the hair out, but I am not one to change the course of history.
I also decided to be smart about this and do a test patch. I bought a name brand waxing kit, opened it, read the directions and waxed a test part. When I pulled off the strip, it felt a little weird but there was no reaction. I watched for two days. A little irritation but no noticeable reaction. I am good to go. Saturday is going to be the day. I will do it then because if there is a problem, I will still have two days before I go back to work. I will have my own built in wiggle room. It is after all my face.
I sat on the deck in the bright sunlight; mirror ready and little wax strips ready to go. I warmed the strips, applied them and pulled them off. Then I looked in the mirror and saw patches of hair that still remained. I warmed more, applied more and pulled more. Finally finished I looked in the mirror and there was a huge red spot staring me back. I applied the post wax soothing oil that comes with the kit. It soothed but it didn’t get rid of the huge red spot. No problem, I will cover the huge red spot with make-up and go about my business. This was probably not my best idea. When I removed the make-up a few hours later the huge red spot was now a huge red spot with what appeared to be little scabs on it. This is a look that I was not going for. I prayed. Dear karmic universe, please let the scabs be gone from my face tomorrow when I wake up. The next morning the little scab things are big scab, dark things. The karmic universe was not listening. I am on a quest for what exactly to apply to the huge red spot with the big, dark scab things. This is not on any label of any of the creams that I have in my house. Not one mentions red spots with dark scabs. Several mention red spots, or scabs but none mentions both. I settle on cortisone cream. I apply liberally and often. The next day the scabs are smaller and the huge red spot now looks like I have marbles in my cheek. I have to go to work so I have to try and cover it with make-up. Funny thing about huge red spots with scabs that looks like you have marbles in your cheek. When you apply make-up you can cover the scabs but you still look like you have marbles in your cheek. Sadly, this is an improvement. I decide to make the best of it. I will ignore it. If I pretend it is not there, then it isn’t. Yes, I know this is possibly the most ridiculous way of looking at it however; there really isn’t much else to be done. I have a huge lump on my cheek and I have to go to work. I have had a lot of practice at denial. I am currently pretending that the ashes of my dead Mother are not on a nightstand in my Dad’s room, which coincidentally is in my home. I am also currently pretending that above the ashes that aren’t there are pictures of the deceased in a memorial type of area. I am very good that this whole denial thing.
I do my best cover-up, make-up job and go to work. Nine hours later not one of my co-workers has mentioned the large lump. I periodically checked on the status of my fat face in the mirror. It was definitely still there. I guess there is no polite way to bring up in a conversation that a co-worker suddenly has a fat face. “Excuse me Michelle, but when did your face start to get fat? “ Not a chance of that happening. I really like these people. They may have all noticed it but no one said a word. By that night the lump had gone down, but the former huge spot had dried out and not looked like a piece of round sandpaper on my face. Really, karmic universe? Lucky for me I can cover the sandpaper with make-up the next day. By the end of day four the huge spot, the scabs and the sandpaper are all gone. I am examining myself in the mirror with the 30x magnification. The same mirror that I used when I waxed and there are still patches of hair in miscellaneous spots on my chin. This is war and I am definitely not winning! Michelle 0 facial hair ..1. I am sensing a new electric shaver in my future.
No comments:
Post a Comment