I have a snake living in my house. There’s a statement that I never thought I would make. It’s funny how the snake came to live in my house. Junior went to college. He liked college. He decided that he wanted the whole grown up experience and could only get that experience by living off campus so he did. His roommate got a snake. Then roommate had the nerve to leave school to go on tour with a rock band and left the snake behind. Oh goody, Junior inherits a snake. This is a drama waiting to happen.
Graduation day comes and Junior is moving home. With the snake. The snake and I have an agreement. He stays in his aquarium without water and I don’t call animal control. It is the best I can do and I thought it was a very generous offer. I don’t go into Junior’s room simply on principal. I’m not cleaning it. I don’t want to see the snake. I have no reason to go in there. I will give Junior his due because he does take care of the snake. He buys two mice a week to feed him. He put a heater underneath the aquarium without water so the snake is nice and warm. It’s important that the snake stay warm. I am always cold and no one is putting a heating pad under me. Junior also keeps the aquarium without water clean. He changes the stuffing the paper underneath so that the snake doesn’t inhale particles. This is also part of the ritual that I don’t watch. It’s like watching a train wreck.
I read somewhere that bad things happen in threes. I can go with that. Of course some people just go with things happen. It was a day like any other day except that when I turned on my dishwasher it made a grinding noise. I’m not a plumber. In fact I have no plumbing skills or background but I know when you turn on your super duper extra quiet dishwasher that cost a small fortune because it is the super duper extra quiet model, it is not supposed to sound like an engine in distress. That was not critical so I decided to have some coffee and mull it over. I like to mull things over. Except that the milk was not cold. Junior had told me the day before that the milk was not cold when he got his cereal. So I turned the refrigerator to make it colder. It didn’t work. Younger brother informed me that his milk was warm. Besides mulling I believe in signs. This was a sign from God to go out to breakfast but I didn’t pay attention to the sign. I decided to take the more conventional route and call the appliance warranty people who told me they would send someone the following day. At this point my concern is how I am going to keep the food cold enough so that I don’t have to replace a refrigerator full of food that I couldn’t afford the first time I bought it.
There really wasn’t a whole lot to do so I decided to patrol the kitchen. It was my job to stand next to the fridge and open the door as needed to avoid the unnecessary openings and closings of the door. There would be no empty staring into the fridge followed by the exclamation that there is no food in here.
The repairman shows up the next day. He works on the dishwasher first. Unfortunately he forgot his man vacuum. He loaned it to another repairman so he asked hubby if he had one. Hubby gets his man vacuum out of Junior’s room and gives it repair guy. Repair guy says that the super duper extra quite dishwasher needs to be vacuumed out. He says that it has dust in the filter. The problem is that the filter is in the bottom of the dishwasher under the big whirly thing that sprays the water that washes the dishes. How clever of those manufacturers. That’s it. We are good to go. The refrigerator wasn’t quite so easy. It needed a new sensor and the freezer wasn’t working correctly either. It was too cold and had frozen on the inside behind the panels and he took off the panel so he could thaw it out. Naturally it would take several hours and there would be water running out of it into the refrigerator and onto my floor.
I am waiting for the Marx brothers or Allen Funt to pop out but they didn’t. Finally the day of drama has come to and end. Hubby goes to empty out the vacuum. It’s clogged. He forgot that the reason the vacuuming out the snake’s aquarium with out water so that he could give the snake clean chips. Naturally hubby does what everyone who has a clogged vacuum does. He puts his mouth on the vacuum to blow the clog out. He decides to share the triumph of cleaning the clog with us. At that very moment Junior decides to share with us that the snake always carries salmonella and that Dad really shouldn’t worry he probably won’t get salmonella. The snake is still alive. Hubby hasn’t got salmonella, the refrigerator is working and the super duper extra quiet dishwasher still isn’t. Life is back to normal.
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