Things I Don’t Need to Know

As a parent I wondered what the long -term effects that television viewing would have on my children. My children are almost grown and I am concerned about what effect television will have on me. I am sitting here watching television and there is a commercial on for E-D, which is also known as erectile dysfunction. Someone, somewhere has decided that the entire population needs to know about erectile dysfunction. How does the person who writes these commercials come up with them? What is the thought process when writing about erectile dysfunction? And the big question is how do you tell your Mom that you wrote that commercial? The bigger question is why exactly do I need to know about this condition and the medicines that are used to treat it?

I would imagine that if I had erectile dysfunction my doctor would already know what medicines are available to treat it. If I hadn’t gone to the doctor about my erectile dysfunction knowing the name of the medicine that can treat it would be useless.
According to the commercial, it is imperative that I know that there are two types of medicines that are now available to treat this condition? One is for having sex immediately and one is a long-term slow acting in case you want to have sex within a thirty-six hour time frame. Oh good. I feel so empowered having this information.

My favorite part of the commercial is the part that tells us that if you have an erection lasting for more than four hours you should call a doctor. No kidding. If you need a doctor or a commercial to tell you that I would guess that erectile dysfunction is not your worst problem. The part about that statement is not even the statement itself; rather it is the visual that I just don’t need to have floating in my head. Have you ever seen anyone with a four-hour erection? Me either. Where are those men?
I also like the part where the man and the lady are sitting in these two separate old-fashioned bathtubs that are on the beach overlooking the ocean. I am not a doctor. I do not play one on television but I am a woman who can state categorically that if your spouse is spending long periods of time in a tub it will affect his erection. I have the urge to scream at the television “Get out of the tub!!” Again, I am not a doctor but perhaps if they were in the same tub the condition would be helped. It may be kind of difficult to get an erection if your partner is in the next room and all you have to look at is an ocean, or maybe not. Sex may be difficult when in separate locations.

Perhaps the man hurt himself dragging the tubs to the beach. Maybe the dragging of the tubs or the lifting of the tubs has contributed to the erectile dysfunction. At the end of the commercial the narrator goes thru a very long list of possible side effects from using the medicine and under which conditions you should not take the medicine. Perhaps they should include the possibility that dragging large heavy tubs to a beach may cause e-d.

The next commercial for E-D comes on and this time the couple is at home. Again they are outside in their yard in separate tubs. I am prompted to ask how the tubs got from the beach to their yard. I may have tub issues because I keep focusing on the problems that could be created by the damn tubs. Do these people perhaps own a tub company? I have been to many beaches and have never seen a set of matching tubs overlooking any of them. There is no one I know that has a set of matching tubs in their back yard. I know a few folks that have hot tubs in their yards but no one with the matching tubs. Clearly, I am hanging around with the wrong people. If they indeed own the tub company that would explain why separate tubs keeping popping up at the places they frequent. If they do indeed own the tub company then shouldn’t they know that being in separate locations really isn’t good for erection problems? Maybe not. Maybe the folks that are hawking medicine for erectile dysfunction should rethink the whole tubs in the commercial thing. Maybe they should just have an actual sit down and talk for thirty seconds about erectile dysfunction and their medicine because every time I see this commercial I start to laugh. I just can’t get passed the tubs. Or the four hour erection.